When we see another person engaging in a kind of loss or a sad condition. We feel helpless about how to comfort someone in this condition. We do not know what to do in this critical condition.
Anyone can feel helpless or sad. For most of us most of the time, our life is filled with a small part of kindness, ones we perform or ones we receive and in emergency situations, some people.
At least perform actions that help others that are truly heroic. So comforting some from grief, helping, kindness, generosity, and self-sacrifice are far from rare, in fact, they are as much a part of the social side of life.
Comforting someone from the critical condition is really a big virtue. Helpful actions are definitely an important part of life.
The moments to comfort someone in life comes in abundance. It could be:
- A girl comes home crying because she lost his bag.
- A little boy who had a fight with his friend.
- A young man who was rejected in a job interview.
- Breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend.
- Over the death of someone.
and the list goes on and on.
But what we are supposed to do in such a situation?
HOW TO COMFORT SOMEONE-TIPS AND TRICKS
The following are some important things that you need to do to comfort someone who needs you.
KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR SURROUNDINGS
The first and foremost thing you have to do is to look around you. Unless or until you know that someone needs you, how are you going to comfort them? Some people lack this ability to look around with care.
Some people are so much into themselves that even if they see someone in pain or sad, they just ignore them. By the way, we are not going to do this. We will offer help, comfort, and care.
TRY TO TALK WITH HIM
It is very difficult to comfort someone when you exactly don’t know what the reason is. First of all, you should try to start a conversation. You can say I know you are passing through a bad time or critical condition.
Sometimes walking through a park you saw a stranger sitting on a bench. You see he is very sad. Then the question is how to start a conversation with a stranger.
You can say, “Hello, my name is John, and I saw you were weeping. I know we don’t know each other, but if you feel better then we can talk that why are you sad.”
LISTEN TO THE OTHER PERSON ATTENTIVELY
It is most important to listen to the person in the problem. They want to be heard. It’s their time to give them proper attention and just listen to them silently.
Sometimes all they want is to let out everything they had in their mind and heart. They want to say it all.
Your gestures must be comforting not as if you are sitting there blank and emotionless. Comfort them with your gestures, not with your words. this time all they want is to say it all out.
ASK QUESTIONS THAT ARE NOT CLOSE ENDED
If you feel that they want to say or tell more but don’t know where to start then it’s your time to pause questions. Ask them open-ended questions. Remember you may not ask a question that they already had told you. Be conscious while choosing your words.
We are doing this to comfort them so try to ask the questions which in one way or another, comforts them instead of offending them. Use a low tone of voice. Don’t use any taunting comment in your conversion.
IT’S NOT THE TIME FOR SOLUTIONS
Don’t run into conclusions or solutions already. Give them space and time to digest up the incident. It varies from situation to situation.
If the victim is having some problem like her bag is being stolen then definitely this is the time to take action, to find out the solution.
But if someone is going through a heartbreak or has lost someone then yes don’t rush into conclusions or solutions. Give them proper time and space to heal from the loss.
Be there for them more and more often but just give them more time to talk.
TALK ABOUT ANY SIMILAR INCIDENT YOU HAD IN PAST
Now it’s your time to play your part in the conversation. Mention a similar event that you had gone through or some of your friends have gone through.
Tell them how they encounter that problem and how they coped with it. This will help the victim to come out of that troubling situation that he/she is currently in.
It’s not necessary that they will work or think upon what you tell them but this will be saved in their memory and when they would want to start working on the healing process they will remember your experience as well.
You are supposed to tell them the things that helped you out of it. Don’t start to tell the whole story and open up your sorrows there. You are there for them don’t forget this.
OFFER THEM A HUG
Sometimes the situation is so vulnerable that you just run out of words and don’t know what to say or do. At that time hug them or hold their hand with affection. A warm hug, a look of care, a soothing handhold; will really help them and give them a feeling that they are not alone.
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DON’T BECOME A POSITIVITY ANGEL
When they are sharing their sorrow with you, Don’t start to say all the positive phrases to them at that time. At that very time they are not looking for the sentences that don’t worry, don’t take it on heart, everything will be perfectly fine, etc.
At that moment they are sad and they want to live in that moment. To leave them at that moment is important because they will talk all their sorrow out in front of you and this will ultimately give them a sense of relief. So just go with the flow.
LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM
Yes, let them know that you are there for them. Don’t only say this but mean it. It’s very easy to say such words that you can call me anytime you want or don’t worry I am always here for you.
Unless or until you mean these words don’t commit and if you commit then be there for them no matter what.
KEEP ON VISITING THEM
Don’t feel that if you have once visited them, is just enough. Keep on visiting them often. you never know when your presence can make them comfortable. Maybe they were looking for someone and your visit fulfills their wish. Our one act of care can mean the world for the other person.
THINGS TO AVOID WHILE COMFORTING SOMEONE
As far as comforting someone is concerned it has both aspects. Positive and negative. Don’t do something that you fall into the category of negative impact. Because the one who is suffering always remembers two kinds to people; the ones who were there for them and the ones who were there just for the sake of formality.
The Following Things To Avoid While Comforting Someone:
- Make them realize that you warned them already about that certain happening. That is not the moment to show that you were right about something and see now that has happened so I am a hero here who already warned you. This is the time to sooth them.
- It starts to blame others that ” this must would have happened because of Jennifer or matt. Seriously? Is this the time to start a blame game? Don’t do this, please. Behave sophisticated there.
- How did this happen? Did you know this before? Do your parents know this? were you alone there? etc? Ohh please STOP questioning!! Yes, don’t start to ask stupid questions there. This will only show that you are interested in knowing the story more than comforting and understanding his/her pain.
- Do not overreact, please! Don’t use words like ” OH MY GOD”, “SERIOUSLY”, “I CAN”T BELIEVE THIS” etc. There is no need to overreact. Just be normal, have sympathy and comfort them.
- You are there is comfort them not to solve your problem. There is a time to help them out of that problem/ misery. Right now it’s not the time to discuss the ways out of it.
- Right now you are with them to tell them that you are there for them. If they will need you at the time of healing and moving on then they will contact you. But for now, just be patient about presenting solutions already.
Comforting someone is the most beautiful thing because you get to make a home in the heart of that person. The various ways of comforting someone are given to you and Don’t Do’s are also mentioned. By using this information you can successfully comfort someone.
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